


@Stinkerbell

by Human_Being



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: F/M, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Misogyny, M/M, Underage Drinking, Yuri Plisetsky is a Brat, teenagers being teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-18 14:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9389210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Human_Being/pseuds/Human_Being
Summary: Almost seventeen year-old figure skater Yuri Plisetsky spends the evening home alone, watching the 2017 Skate Canada Tournament with the sole company of a bottle of impromptu "vodka soda" and a fake twitter account.What could possibly go wrong?





	1. #HomeAlone

**Author's Note:**

> Lines on « » are meant to be in russian. Otherwise, they are in english.

* * *

**#HomeAlone**

* * *

 

 

His name is Yuri Plisetsky, and his life sucks.

At least, that what the almost seventeen year old figure skater thinks of it.

And before one would say he has no reason to bear this kind of loathing over his life at such an early age, he’d be fast to argue otherwise.

First off, he was made to miss the GPF Finals last year due to a training sprain that got his ankle immobilized for almost three weeks. And, as if that wasn’t bad enough, he had to watch the upcoming events after Yuuri Katsuki seized the gold medal and equaled his world record, leaving his coach-and-fellow-competitor Viktor Nikiforov with maybe the first silver medal of his life.

Needless to say, that dork not only kissed the pig’s gold medal, but fulfilled his promise to wed the pork some weeks later.

To any loser that’d think this was a surprising turn of events, Yuri would promptly reply that he could see this coming a mile away.

Of course, though, Yakov and Lilia managed to drag his sorry ass to the informal ceremony, saying he should be really happy for not being the one to carry the wedding rings.

Jesus fucking Christ, even Yakov was getting warm and fuzzy feelings over that stupid porkchop.

But the the cheap tooth-rotting soap-opera that was the married life of that idiotic Viktor and his Katsudon was surely the least of his problems right now.

Even though he’s free of the ankle boot, he’s still not cleared to train at his fullest. No spins, no jumps, just step sequences and warmups. Just the fooling around, not the real deal. That, of course, bored him to tears.

More annoying than that, however, was watch first-hand how Yakov and Lilia were slowly coming back together. He was sensing that, anytime soon, he’d see his old geezer of a coach on an errand at some drugstore to buy rubbers and blue pills.

And he used to think that the sexlife of Viktor and piggy was the grossest thing he could ever imagine.

For some stupid reason he could not fathom - because it wasn’t like they were fooling anybody with half a brain - Yakov and Lilia were trying to keep it quiet and discreet, but failing miserably. Seriously, it was ridiculous to watch those two geezers whispering and cooing to each other while pretending their lovelife was a big secret or anything.

Mila event suggested he should fetch himself a sexlife to stop paying attention on others’. Not that she wasn't trying to do just that, though.

For she was trying her earnest to woo Otabek into her fucking bed.

Oh, yes. On top of everything, Otabek Altin, the hero of Kazakhstan, was now training at St. Petersburg under Yakov’s coaching. That was supposed to be a good thing - Otabek was his best friend and an oasis of sanity amidst his rinkmates. But soon enough Mila got into that thick mind of hers she’d want him to wet his dick on her, and that made him feel as if it was the most disgusting thing on the whole face of the Earth. And yes, he tried to warn her that it was one hell of a bad idea - because man, it wasn’t like Otabek rang some bells at the straight side of the fence. Granted, he wasn’t as flamboyant as, say, Viktor, or his husbie Katsudon, or Christian Giacometti, or… Like, c’mon, they were figure skaters, not hockey players. Looking for straight dudes among fucking figure skaters was downright insane. Not because he thought figure skating was for sissies, but because almost everyone he ever knew to be a figure skater were… well. If not stone-cold gays, bonafide closet-cases.

And sure as fuck that also included JJ Leroy and his no-homo façade.

Maybe the only exception to the gay rule would be Georgi Popovich, but that was a far cry from a comforting thought.

To worsen his already critical situation, this week that stupid old man thought he saw him limping a bit on his injured ankle - and off the rink he was for the rest of the week.

\- «Don’t you think you are going to slack off because you’re out of the rink.» -  Yakov said. - «You may not be training your full routine yet, but this is no excuse.»

\- «Tonight you are going to watch the Skate Canada to check on the competition.» - Lilia added to the annoying pep talk. - «Keep a keen eye to their step sequences, we can work on that for starters.»

And off the senile couple went to wine and dine and do stuff too gross to Yuri even imagine, leaving him basically home alone with his laptop and an internet connection for what he expected to be the rest of the night.

\- «Those geezers can’t be serious…» - He mumbled to himself while going to the streaming site. - «They know the ‘competition’ is here, not on fucking Canada. Who the fuck they want me to watch? JJ? Michele? Christophe?»

Well, actually he tried to call Otabek to come and watch the free skating program with him. For answer, he got a ‘can’t. movies. sorry’ in a lame text message, while he knew Otabek was off with Mila to the movies.

So, yeah. He was Yuri Plisetsky, and his life sucked big big time.

Once watching the streaming - not because he was told to, but more like he had nothing else to do - he got annoyed by the sports narrator’s accent. Fucking hell, he thought, he sometimes found it hard to follow the american accent, let alone the canadian one.

However, the cheering of the guy for JJ, quite blatant by now, was a much greater peeve on him.

\- «Shit, I don’t have to go through this». - He said, heading to the kitchen.

He wasn’t exactly hungry, though. But he was bored, so very bored he had nothing to do but look for whatever he could find on the fridge.

But that was a ballerina’s house, of course he would not find out something tasty on it. Well, seemed he was stuck with his orange pop soda and his packs of doritos.

Surprisingly, though, things got a bit more interesting when, while he was peeking on the freezer, he found a half-full bottle of vodka.

It was the perfect crime. Lilia was a freak about her diet, but sure as hell the old woman liked her shots. So did Yakov. Hence, none of them would notice the bottle was emptier than it should be. If they did, though, it was easy to one assume it was because of the other.

Granted, it wasn’t like Yuri, himself, was used to drinking. His grandpa was adamant on keeping him away from any alcoholic stuff. He had never got into big details on it, but Yuri knew from other people his grandpa, on his gold days, was famous to be quite a drinker himself.

He knew he really, really shouldn't do it. But an empty head’s the devil’s office, and the head of a bored Yuri Plisetsky is the closest to ‘devil’s office’ one can possibly get.

Plus, he’s a Plisetsky. Alcohol tolerance must be on his fucking blood.

And, with those thoughts in mind, almost seventeen year-old figure skater Yuri Plisetsky filled half of his orange soda plastic bottle with the finest russian vodka, then headed to his room.

OOO

\- Hmmm - Yuri satisfyingly hummed while sipping his “vodka soda”. - «That’s the way to watch this shit. Because one just cannot go through this sober».

Now the presentations of the senior division was on - and Yuri was finding the experience to watch it tipsy much better than watch it sober among his so-called friends.

Who ditched him quite fast to screw each other.

Yes, right, he was talking about her slutty rinkmate Mila and Otabek - that shithead of a closet-case who likes to pretend he’s straight as an arrow while no one’s buying that crap. Not even Mila because the girl may be a hussy, but he frankly doesn’t believe her to be that dense.

Or maybe she is, and so she deserves to become the next Isabella Yang.

He drank another big gulp of his vodka.

\- «Ooooo, right, Michele’s on now.» - He mused. - «Wait a sec. Is the fucker really dressed on a red costume with an embroidered golden lion? I mean, for fucking real?»

On a whim, he logged himself on twitter to follow the Skate Canada’s hashtags. Seriously, Michele Fucking Crispino is skating in red with a gold lion on his costume and no one said shit about it?

\- «This can’t go unnoticed…» - He said while composing his tweet. But, milliseconds before hitting the send button, he thought better.

He could not post stuff like that as @yuriplisetsky.

That’s what twitter fakes are for.

And of course Yuri had some fakes to troll around some fandoms on internet.

It was the perfect crime. His fakes were all created with temporary email accounts, untraceable. His connection, safely proxified to let him download his porn on Lilia’s house without the risk of awkward events.

He unlogged his real account and then relogged on one of his fakes, named @hOm3stuk_trAx.

And then decided to unleash his sass on the world of figure skating.

OOO


	2. #SkateCanada

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter was *on fire* in the #SkateCanada tag. Check it out... 
> 
> PS.: I TRIED MY BEST to make emojis show on HTML, but they bugged me every single time. Bad bad AO3, no emoji for you. Instead, I put some oooold messenger codes that used to mean what emojis did.

* * *

**#SkateCanada**

* * *

 

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: Holy shit @mickeycrispino is skating w a red and gold costum w a goldn lion on it #SkateCanada

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: 4 real is the 7 season of GoT out already? #SkateCanada

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: LADIES AND GENTS THERE’S THE WESTEROS TEAM 4 FIGURE SKATING #SkateCanada

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: THE ONE AND ONLY JAIME LANNISTER ON THE ICE #SkateCanada

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: 4sure Cersei s watchin #SkateCanada

 

@Sk8tergal: the hell u talkin bout @hOm3stuk_trAx

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: @Sk8tergal #SkateCanada inside figure skating joke not for the faint of heart like u

 

@Sk8tergal: pretty tasteless @hOm3stuk_trAx

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: Beg you pardon but havin the hots on ur sister is more tasteless @Sk8tergal

 

@JJ_fangrl: and so theres our first troll on the tag @Sk8tergal @hOm3stuk_trAx

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: I cant possibly be the first troll in here @JJ_fangrl @Sk8tergal

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: not with those fellas skating like shit #SkateCanada

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: BOOOO-HOOOO @mickeycrispino lost a 3A hhahahaha #SkateCanada

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: hes def gonna lose his sister to @emilnekola now HAHAHAHA #SkateCanada

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: BAD LANNISTER BAD LANNISTER #SkateCanada

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: #SkateCanada #spoiler_alert IT HAPPENS ON THE BOOKS

 

@Sk8tergal: STFU @hOm3stuk_trAx

 

@Sk8tergal: ill report u @hOm3stuk_trAx

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: @Sk8tergal COME AT ME SISTER

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: @Sk8tergal ugh no dont im not into twincest or anything

 

@Mazelt00v: @hOm3stuk_trAx I heard this true

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: @Mazelt00v from who

 

@Mazelt00v: @hOm3stuk_trAx some staff from skating event

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: @Mazelt00v Yep they right

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: @Mazelt00v weirdest shit i ever seen it hurt my eyes

 

@JJ_fangrl: @hOm3stuk_trAx @Mazelt00v nothin but lies

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: @JJ_fangrl it rhymed HAHAHA

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: @JJ_fangrl keep ur panties on your beloved @Jjleroy15 gonna go in some moments #SkateCanada

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: @JJ_fangrl @Jjleroy15 is havin his ass creamed wink wink

 

@Mazelt00v: @hOm3stuk_trAx hate that sucker

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: @Mazelt00v SHHHH SHHHHH dont spill dark secrets around SHHHH SHHHH

 

@JJ_fangrl: @hOm3stuk_trAx @Mazelt00v so you both @Jjleroy15 haters nothin new under t sun

 

@JJ_fangrl: @alicia990 @Jleroyleroy @janellealmay @JJgirlsofficial @mariannefouet @JJgirl4ever @beatrixalletio98 #SkateCanada

 

@JJ_fangrl: #JJgirls_stop_the_hate #signal_boost #SkateCanada

 

@Mazelt00v: Holy shit she called the tag @hOm3stuk_trAx

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: @Mazelt00v I dont fukin believe it HAHAHA this is gold

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: @JJ_fangrl do u stupid fangirls have a tag to stop the hate HAHAH #SkateCanada

 

@alicia990: I bet these trolls @Mazelt00v @hOm3stuk_trAx are @Yuri_angels trash

 

@alicia990: But I never found one so low to date @hOm3stuk_trAx

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx: OH SHIT @alicia990 BLEW MY COVER #Exposed

 

@Mazelt00v: LOLOLOLOL @hOm3stuk_trAx :'''DDDD

 

@hOm3stuk_trAx changed his name to @Stinkerbell

 

@Stinkerbell HERE I AM BITCHES @Sk8tergal @JJ_fangrl @alicia990 @janellealmay @JJgirlsofficial #SkateCanada

 

@Stinkerbell: @Jleroyleroy @mariannefouet @JJgirl4ever @beatrixalletio98 #SkateCanada

 

@alicia990: @Stinkerbell what kind of name is that

 

@Stinkerbell: @alicia990 I dont fucking believe this username wasnt taken this is GLORIOUS im keeping it for LIFE

 

@Mazelt00v: @Stinkerbell but r u one @Yuri_angels yay or nay

 

@Stinkerbell: @Mazelt00v nayyyyy

 

@JJ_fangrl: @Stinkerbell is spreading hate over @JJgirlsofficial and @Jjleroy15 #SkateCanada

 

@Stinkerbell: wait a sec @JJ_fangrl i didnt say shit about @JJgirlsofficial

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl just stated ur idiots and thats true

 

@alicia990: @Stinkerbell still bet ur those @Yuri_angels w stupid cat ears

 

@Stinkerbell: YO @alicia990 have some respect for ur fellas fangirls

 

@Stinkerbell: @alicia990 but the cat ears r really atrocious

 

@Stinkerbell: Whooops ladies here comes @Jjleroy15 the one and only

 

@JJgirlsofficial: @Stinkerbell do not dare to spew ugly stuff on his free program

 

@Stinkerbell: I dare u to dare me @JJgirlsofficial #SkateCanada

 

@Yuri_angels: Why u mentioned me here @alicia990 #SkateCanada

 

@Yuri_angels: @alicia990 We r not associated to any @Stinkerbell #SkateCanada

 

@Stinkerbell: @Yuri_angels Glad to read that gotta take a screenshot

 

@JJgirlsofficial: @Jjleroy15 SLAAAAAAYYYYY his free program is perfectttttt #SkateCanada @Stinkerbell suck it

 

@Stinkerbell: PFFFT he gotta do much better than this to beat @viktornikiforov or yuri katsuki #SkateCanada

 

@Stinkerbell: Aw shit no twitter for katsudon

 

@JJgirlsofficial: @Stinkerbell u wrong nikiforov is past @Jjleroy15 is THE FUTURE #SkateCanada

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJgirlsofficial And where the fuck was JJ on marseille GPF? Didnt see him on the podium #SkateCanada

 

@JJ_fangrl: @Stinkerbell @Jjleroy15 was robbed in favor of otabek altin #SkateCanada

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl like fuck he was

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJgirlsofficial @JJ_fangrl @alicia990 get this in yo thick heads JJ is a douchebag that happens to skate

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJgirlsofficial @JJ_fangrl @alicia990 cant dance for shit he only jumps

 

@JJ_fangrl: @Stinkerbell same goes to otabek

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl but as a jumper hes much better htan JJ

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl @JJgirlsofficial and none of them can beat @viktornikiforov and his husband yuri katsuki

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl More like sugar baby tbh

 

@JJ_fangrl: @Stinkerbell what do you mean husband @viktornikiforov isnt gay

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl BRB GONNA LAUGH MY DRUNK ASS OFF

 

@JJgirlsofficial: @Stinkerbell there is no proof u should not say that

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJgirlsofficial @JJ_fangrl ffs hes gayer than an unicorn shitting rainbows on a gay parade

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJgirlsofficial @JJ_fangrl bitches nikiforov and katsuki kissed in the cup of china how could u miss that?

 

@Mazelt00v: @Stinkerbell U THE BEST THING OF #SkateCanada LMAO

 

@Stinkerbell: @Mazelt00v IKR #SkateCanada U BITCHES ARE NOTHING W/OUT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

@Mazelt00v: @Stinkerbell so #thekiss was a thing?

 

@Stinkerbell: @Mazelt00v sure

 

@JJ_fangrl: @Stinkerbell wait a sec how could u know it was a kiss it was a hug on tv

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl hug my ass they KISSED ON THE LIPS :* :* iT WAS BEAUTIFUL #not

 

@JJ_fangrl: @Stinkerbell u lying through ur teeth

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl i wish i was but i am not

 

@JJ_fangrl: @Stinkerbell so u gonna say u were there

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl this time I wasnt but I came to know it afterwards from very reliable sources ;D

 

@alicia990: @Stinkerbell liar liar pants on fire

 

@alicia990: @Stinkerbell if u r not a yuri angel why the name u just a troll

 

@Stinkerbell: @alicia990 say what u want but u JJ asslickers would kill to be in my place

 

@alicia990: @Stinkerbell u so full of shit

 

@Stinkerbell: cant hear u whining up here @alicia990

 

@Mazelt00v: @Stinkerbell but how would you know about #thekiss

 

@Stinkerbell: @Mazelt00v this a secret shhhh shhhhh

 

@Mazelt00v: @Stinkerbell i bet u know figure skating from the inside

 

@Stinkerbell: @Mazelt00v :x

 

@JJgirlsofficial: @Mazelt00v dont feed the troll

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJgirlsofficial @JJ_fangrl @alicia990 you think u know stuff but you know jack shit about skaters

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJgirlsofficial @JJ_fangrl @alicia990 for starters u think some skaters are st8 when they r clearly not

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJgirlsofficial @JJ_fangrl @alicia990 its very fucked up to look for st8 dudes on an figure skating ice rink but i dont judge

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJgirlsofficial @JJ_fangrl @alicia990 u r hardly the first ones to try this

 

@JJgirlsofficial: @Stinkerbell nothing but lies

 

@Stinkerbell: Oh look you lame-ass hero @Jjleroy15 won gold at home #SkateCanada

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJgirlsofficial better enjoy it while u can bc at the #GPF the russians gonna cream his ass

 

@JJ_fangrl: @Stinkerbell by the russians you mean @viktornikiforov or @yuriplisetsky bc if u do JJ gonna cream them they r 2 russian fairies LOL

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl do i sense the stench of homophobia on ur comment you lame ass bitch?

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl this has to be the most ironic shit i ever read on twitter, a JJgirl calling ppl fairies

 

@JJ_fangrl: @Stinkerbell did I strike a nerve here ooops

 

@JJ_fangrl: @Stinkerbell indeed u r a yuri angel or a nikiforov groupie

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl none of them but sure as hell I am not blind to the point of believing JJ to be st8

 

@JJ_fangrl: OH GOOD @Stinkerbell is about to get a lawsuit

 

@Stinkerbell: Yes @JJ_fangrl come sue my ass BUT

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl if u doubt me u can fetch ur idol at #LeStud sure as fuck he gonna #celebrate his gold there

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl later on after he sends his fake-ass gf home that is

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl what kind of fan u r if you dont know thE  BASICS HAHAHA

 

@Mazelt00v: @JJgirlsofficial RT@Stinkerbell: @JJ_fangrl if u doubt me u can fetch ur idol at #LeStud sure as fuck he gonna #celebrate his gold there

 

@Stinkerbell: @Mazelt00v some ppl just want to see the world BURNNNN HAHAHAHA

 

@alicia990: @Stinkerbell look whos sore bc they called ur russian fairies russian fairies bc both r gay as fuck

 

@Stinkerbell: and JJ isnt? RT@alicia990: @Stinkerbell look whos sore bc they called ur russian fairies russian fairies bc both r gay as fuck

 

@alicia990: @Stinkerbell so u confirm @viktornikiforov and @yuriplisetsky r gay

 

@Stinkerbell: @alicia990 if they are, they are not fooling anybody are they

 

@Yuri_angels: Watch what u r saying @Stinkerbell @yuriplisetsky isnt gay hes too young

 

@Stinkerbell: @Yuri_angels that has to be the lamest excuse i ever heard to hide someone in a closet

 

@Stinkerbell: @Yuri_angels @JJgirlsofficial you gotta get this through ur heads st8 figure skaters r very VERY rare

 

@Stinkerbell: @Yuri_angels @JJgirlsofficial the only st8 one i know is batshit crazy and got worse after his gf dumped his ass over a hockey player

 

@JJgirlsofficial: @Stinkerbell @Yuri_angels JJ is not crazy

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJgirlsofficial @Yuri_angels true he may be an ass but not bonkers so ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJgirlsofficial @Yuri_angels PSA any sane dude on figure skating is very gay thank u

 

@Mazelt00v: Fuck not even @cristophe_gc is safe omg

 

@Stinkerbell: @Mazelt00v jesus fuck i laughed so hard i lost my shit here

 

@Mazelt00v: @Stinkerbell but its good news ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

@Stinkerbell: @Mazelt00v psssst he has a secret grindr look for ChrissyGGG

 

@Mazelt00v: @Stinkerbell does JJ have a grindr too?

 

@Stinkerbell: @Mazelt00v guess not but he has an ass tattoo and likes to secretly hang out at gay clubs what else u want

 

@Mazelt00v: @Stinkerbell but u think he tops or bottoms

 

@Stinkerbell: @Mazelt00v i said he has an ass tattoo ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

@Mazelt00v: @Stinkerbell nikiforov?

 

@Stinkerbell: @Mazelt00v at the moment only eats pork sorry

 

@Mazelt00v: @Stinkerbell Phichit chulanot? Hes hot af

 

@Stinkerbell: NO HES NOT HOT UGH @Mazelt00v told u already any sane dude on fig skating is gay or bonkers no middle ground

 

@Mazelt00v: @Stinkerbell but u said michele crispino was into his sis

 

@Stinkerbell: @Mazelt00v and isnt that crazy af plus ppl say hes a virgin

 

@Mazelt00v: @Stinkerbell but Putin says theres no gays in russia how come nikiforov is gay

 

@Stinkerbell: @Mazelt00v Putin never stepped inside the st petesburg rink tho bc theres all gays w the possible exception of bonkers dude

 

@JJgirlsofficial: @Stinkerbell @Mazelt00v just to warn you im taking screenshots of this

 

@Stinkerbell: @JJgirlsofficial code brown code brown i shit my pants out of fear time to go bYE

 

@JJgirlsofficial: @Yuri_angels take screenshots as well to report those trolls want the skaters to sue theirs asses

 

@Yuri_angels @JJgirlsofficial  >:((( (y)(y)(y)

 

@Mazelt00v: @Stinkerbell come back here you united @JJgirlsofficial and @Yuri_angels u made HISTORY

 

OOO

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ho, next chapter will come in some... days? About a week or so. Anyway, stay tuned!


	3. #StinkerbellGate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after #SkateCanada is rather... interesting.

* * *

  **#StinkerbellGate**

* * *

 

 

\- Okey, okey, I’m getting up!

Yuri Katsuki, twenty-five Japan’s top figure skater certified by JFS, twice gold medalist at Japan Nationals, silver medalist at Worlds and current gold medalist of GPF, mumbled while standing out of his bed to get his phone - which was insistently buzzing nonstop for, like, twenty minutes in a row.

It was a facetime call by Phichit.

\- Ah, finally! - Phichit growled as soon as he picked up. - My god, where were you?…

\- Uh, I am at home, Viktor and I overslept and…

\- What? - Phichit cut in. - I mean, didn’t you check your phone yet?

\- Uh, I’ve put it on silence mode because it was buzzing a lot, and today’s a day off practice for us…

\- Jeez, you both are unbelievable. - Phichit whined. - The world’s on fire and you two are sleeping?

\- But is there something…

\- Someone ratted out that JJ’s would be on Le Stud last night!

\- Le Stud…?

\- Canadian gay club at Montreal…?

\- What? - Yuuri popped his eyes wide open. - But how would someone know…

\- C’mon, Yuuri, it’s no news to anyone inside our gig that JJ goes to places like that in general, and to Le Stud in particular. I myself would guess he would end up there.

\- I didn’t know that.

\- Typical you, but still.

\- So you’re saying someone ratted JJ to the press?

\- Some troll on twitter stirred a flamewar all over the Skate Canada tag. Then he pissed some JJgirls, then changed his name to Stinkerbell to pick on the Yuri’s Angels, and in the process he spewed this about JJ.

\- Stinkerbell? I mean, making fun of Yurio’s nickname as Russian Fairy? He’ll be pissed on that. - Yuuri furrowed his brows. - But wait a minute. Since when people give that much credit to internet trolls?

\- Someone had the idea to show up at the club to check out if the tip was true. Actually it was one of those JJgirls, I guess trying to prove it wrong. But there he was hitting on some random guy, someone took pics of it and all went downhil.

\- Holy s- I mean, crap.

\- There’s more.

\- What do you mean by ‘more’?

\- ...This Stinkerbell spewed hate on almost everyone on figure skating. As for an example, he openly said Viktor is gay as “an unicorn pooping rainbows on a gay parade”. His words, not mine.

\- Wow.... - Yuri was flabbergasted. - But… As for Viktor, it’s not exactly a surprise-

\- Stinkerbell stated that not only you both really kissed on the Cup of China and called you Viktor’s ‘sugar baby’.

\- Sugar baby? That was rude. - Yuuri tilted his head, replying in a deadpan voice. - But… We did kiss at Cup of China, I don’t get the surprise on that.

\- That wasn’t what Morooka said on the _hug_ you and Viktor shared out of sheer admiration between an athlete and his coach. - Phichit said, and Yuuri rolled his eyes. - May I also remember you that your engagement rings were just a lucky charm shared between the fine-tuned team you both worked out to form?

\- Morooka’s BS just as usual, but-

\- Yuuri - Phichit pressed him. - Morooka’s BS as it is, it’s, like, the official version.

Phichit was right.

BS as it was, everybody in the gig knew that breaching the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ rule and being ‘out and proud’ was bad for business. So, if it was very true that Viktor always had been flaming gay even when he tried to have some girlfriends, it was also true that the press always did its best to tone him down -them all, actually- as much as possible.

\- But there’s more, Yuuri.

\- Oh god-

\- The troll said Michele Crispino has a strange fixation on his sister and also stated that he’s virgin.

\- What- Wait. Wait. How could this Stinkerbell troll know that?!

\- Yeah, right? And the person even had the nerve to call Michele out as Jaime Lannister because of the lion on his red costume…

\- Jeez…

\- ..And also ratted out Chris’ grindr account. Which is pretty much Perez Hilton and TMZ’s business right now.

\- WHAT???

\- Yuuri - Viktor voice chanted. - Is there something wrong?

\- Talking to Phichit - He said. - Check your twitter now.

\- What, why?

\- Now, Viktor! - Yuuri snapped. - Sorry, Phichit.

\- The troll also hinted that Yurio might be gay, that’s the whole point in which he got into a fight with the Yuri’s Angels. On that, Stinkerbell also said… No one sane on the skating figure world was straight, especially in St. Petersburg skating rink. He hinted the possible exception was someone who was dumped by his girlfriend over a hockey player and went nuts…

\- Georgi. - Yuuri sighed. - Phichit, it’s… someone from inside. It must be, there’s too many details. But who would do something like that?

\- I don’t know. - And... Stinkerbell specifically talked about me, too. Some other fake asked about me, saying I’m hot, and he said I was not hot, but hinted that I was sane, so...

\- Oh my god. - This time, Yuuri had to sit down. - What a mess…

\- There’s a bit of a commotion, _da_? - Viktor scrolled his phone’s screen down. - Oh, they said something about me! Gayer than an unicorn...

Viktor tilted his head, a bit taken aback.

\- Phichit, is the account still up? - Yuuri asked, picking his laptop and turning it on. -  Let’s see… It’s here, I am retrieving the timeline… Well, not much activity until yesterday, a thing or two about… Homestuck? Really?

\- Yuuri?  

\- Say…

\- Take screenshots and send them for me? My battery’s low…

\- Doing that as we speak, dude… - Yuuri was frantically hitting his printscreen button while scrolling Stinkerbell’s timeline. He stopped, all of a sudden.. - Hum...

\- What?

\- Nothing . - Yuuri said. - I’ll send you the stuff.

\- Yuuri… - Phichit was dead worried. - This is a trainwreck. I mean…

\- I know, man, but just… Give it time, stay lowkey, don’t comment anything about it. I have to go now, but you call me for anything you need. And by anything I really mean anything. Ok?

\- Ok, man… Thank you…

\- No problem. - Yuuri tried to sound comforting. - Bye, man.

As soon as he hung up, he started to stare to his laptop’s screen, the reflection of the bright gleam on his glasses.

There was something about those tweets catching his attention.

\- Are you still looking at that, Yuuri? - He felt Viktor’s hand on his shoulder. - Leave it be.

\- This troll threw a lot of people under the bus… - Yuuri whispered as he felt his husband leaning to brush his lips on his neck.

\- That’s what trolls do. - Viktor eyes were on the screen. - Who’s this Stinkerbell, anyway?

\- Yes, Viten’ka. - Yuuri tilted his head, his eyes still fixed on the tweets. - That’s the million-dollar question.

OOO

 

On his room at Lilia Baranofskaya’s house, Yuri Plisetsky, almost seventeen year-old figure skater, gold medalist on his senior debut at Barcelona’s GPF and bronze medalist at Worlds, woke up to his buzzy phone stirring a splintering headache and a foul taste on his mouth.

Guess he didn’t take after his grandfather for alcohol tolerance, after all.

\- «Motherfuckers, I wanna sleeeeep» - He mumbled, reaching his phone.

Jesus fuck, it was half past noon and nobody came over to throw him out of the bed? Was the two geezer’s night out that good?

Ew.

His phone had a ton of notifications and chat messages, but to the hell with them. He turned that buzzing shit out before someone had the idea of calling him.

Now, seriously, who the fuck might do it? Viktor, to check on him and blab about his sweet Katsudon? Katsudon himself, to play the older bro? Mila, to ramble about how exciting her date was or, even worse, how good was Otabek in bed?

Thanks, but no thanks. He would have a much better time on his cozy bed.

\- Yura! - The ever-commanding voice of Lilia rang on his ears. - «Aren’t you up yet?»

He groaned, thinking on ignore her. Really, on the middle of a fucking hangover he’d not get up to drag his ass to the rink to train fucking step sequences. No way.

It’s true that eventually she’d come up and toss him out of bed even if she had overslept herself, but today he would tell her to up her-

His eyes flew to the empty packs of doritos and the remains of his ‘vodka soda’.

\- _Blyad'_! - As fast as he could, he dashed out of his bed to toss the beverage on the toilet and stash the bottle and the packs on the garbage, but not before washing the bottle to clean away the smell of alcohol. Just in case.

Because he knew if Lilia or Yakov found out he had been anywhere close to that vodka, he was as good as dead.

Luckily enough, Lilia opened his room’s door when he was already under the blankets. If that could be possible she looked more plastered than him, but had a rather satisfied look on her face.

He never ever thought he’d thank the old man for doing that, but he could not deny the timing was perrrrfect. So, yeah, Yakov, you sly dog, thanks for fucking her good and make his life easier at least for today.

\- «I’m feeling sick» - He groaned, pouting a little. -«real sick…»

\- «You weren’t sick yesterday…» - Lilia mused, looking herself almost as tired as he must be.

\- «I think I must have eaten something that got my stomach all messed up.»

\- «That junk food you eat.» - She said, arching her right eyebrow. - I told you many times to quit eating that, your metabolism won’t be this fast forever.» - She softened her expression. - «Did you watch the Skate Canada competition?»

\- «Yes ma’am» - He nodded. - «Jean-Jacques Leroy seized the gold with a rather mediocre program.»

\- «Don’t underestimate him.» - Lilia said gravely. - «He won you once, he can do it again.»

‘Like fuck he can’, Yuri thought to himself, but said nothing. He was “sick”, he had to act like it.

\- «Take the day to rest and eat lightly, Yurochka». - Lilia added on a softer voice. - «The sooner you get better, the earlier you’ll start to prepare yourself.»

\- _Da_ , Lilia.  - Yuri was almost feeling guilty. - _Spasibo._

Once she left, though, he couldn’t help to sigh in content relief.

\- «Phew, that was reeeally close’» - he sighed, and grabbed his laptop to browse on the web and maybe watch some stuff on netflix.

Then he saw the twitter site on the web browser’s tag. Welp, he forgot the twitter logged on that fake account.

‘Stinkerbell’, he smiled, because even though some memories were really hazy he could tell he had so much fun trolling on the Skate Canada tag. He could remember pestering the shit out of some stupid JJ girls and throwing some funny shade on Michele Crispino - Really, Michele on a red costume with a golden lion was fucking priceless.

And the username… Stinkerbell was genius. Wasn’t he the Russian Fairy? So. There’s the fucking fairy they’ve got.  

He opened the twitter tab to take a look on @Stinkerbell before unlog the account and leave it for dead, but-

Wait.

What’s up with 12400 unseen notifications?

What’s up with more than 1500 DM’s on the inbox?

How the fuck this account hit seven hundred thousand fucking followers overnight?

Not even his own account as @yuriplisetsky had that many followers. Actually, when he won Barcelona’s GPF he hit, like, one hundred thousand? Viktor himself had five hundred thousand, followed closely by Phichit.

He hit the notifications icon, and most of them were… retweets of him saying JJ Leroy was going to celebrate his gold on Le Stud - a canadian gay bar.

It was retweeted by Perez Hilton and TMZ. They also retweeted the one in which he... pointed Christophe’s Grindr as ChrissyGGG?

Fuck, he didn’t remember that.

The hashtags and #JJ_style_exposed, #FigureSkatinkgDirtySecrets and #StinkerbellGate popped out everywhere on the timeline. Actually, they were now hitting the world trending topics on Twitter. #Thekiss, a hashtag used back in the Cup of China to speculate if Viktor really kissed Yuuri after his free program, was back all over twitter, pictures and screenshot of them at every possible angle along with speculations taking the kiss for granted.

JJgirls were freaking out all over the social medias alongside JJ haters, The Yuri’s angels also were bonkers about denying him being gay for his own haters. Fanbases all around the world had taken over the internet turning twitter, facebook, instagram and comment boxes all over the sport portals online into a warzone.

And since the Internet was such a mess over them, the yellow media would do nothing but follow the trend.

Michele Crispino declined to comment about the insinuation about him and his sister, saying this was absurd. He declined comment about being a virgin as well. JJ wasn’t found by the press, nor was Isabella Yang; but there were reporters camping in front of their houses and his rink. The owner of Le Stud Bar declined to comment.

And everybody was speculating on who really was @Stinkerbell, the twitter user that broke the fucking internet by spilling out darkest secrets of figure skating for the public eye.

Holy fucking jesus fuck.

He didn’t remember much of that part of his trolling over the Skate Canada’s hashtags, but the tweet was there. Of course he wouldn’t believe people would actually believe what a fake-ass account on Twitter said about celebrity-athletes, it happened all the time.

A shortened link he clicked on gave him the enlightenment he needed.

\- _Der’mo_ \- He felt his stomach dropping as if he were on a rollercoaster at full speed. - _Grebanyy der'mo_ …

One of the fans following him - or the tag, it didn’t matter - actually went to Le Stud to prove Stinkerbell wrong and… The picture of JJ Leroy suggestively whispering something on another guy’s ears was all over the internet now. And, of course, they also found out that the Grindr user ChrissyGGG had very reliable information identifying him as none other than Christophe Giacometti.

Yuri was no stupid when it comes to social media and the yellow press.

He knew that, since some informations Stinkerbell provided were confirmed… They would now believe everything to be true and dig on that. And he didn’t lie about anything, so…

He ratted Christophe out. He ratted JJ out. Viktor and Yuuri. Phichit. He even ratted _himself_ out.

The huge closet of the Figure Skating World, Stinkerbell threw _everyone_ out on a drunk trolling rampant on fucking twitter.

OOO

 


	4. #GaysOnIce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri Plisetsky thinks he can get away with murder, but...

 

* * *

**#GaysOnIce**

* * *

 

 

\- Ooooof!

It was supposed to be a quadruple toe loop, y’know.

Instead, Yurio over rotated and landed all wrong on his previously injured ankle, the knee-jerk reaction of protecting it from another sprain sent him crashing all but gracefully on the ice.

For, like, the third time today.

\- Ouch, that must have _hurt_.  - Mila said, wincing a little. - Hey, Yura, are you okay?

\- Give the boy a rest. - Viktor waved his hand dismissively, as if apologizing in advance for the enraged shouts about to come. - He’s just had a bad sprain, he’s warming up yet.

Surprisingly, though, Yurio didn’t say anything else than nodding his head.

\- Wow - Mila furrowed her eyebrows. - Odd.

Another attempt at a quadruple toe loop, and he angled his blades all wrong and again he met the ice butt-first.

\- «Yurochka!» - Yakov shouted from the benches. - «Stop trying quads before you sprain your ankle again!»

\- «Well, now he's gonna snap…» - One of Mila’s rinkmates said while everyone was waiting for Yuri’s tantrum.

Again, nothing but a _‘Da_ , Yakov!’

\- Now, seriously, are you guys seeing what I am seeing? - Mila called out. - I think some aliens must have swapped Yura’s body with an evil clone!

\- Because he’s acting civil and forgot how to skate? - Georgi huffed. - Then it’s not an evil clone, it's a good one. But I fail to see how it’s import-

\- That was mean. - Viktor pouted, cutting his rinkmate in. - You took way more time than that to recover from the last time you sprained something.

\- Liar. - Georgi rolled his eyes. - Anyway, we shouldn’t be worrying about such mundane problems right now, when we have such a serious pro-

\- Ooooowwww - Mila interrupted Georgi. - He crashed on a triple this time.

\- «Yura, that’s it!!! You will stick to doubles for today!»

\- «But Yakov-»

\- «NO BUTS!!!» - The coach roared. - «You are NOT going to throw away your recovery because of some jumps!»

Everyone winced while waiting the colorful and quite loud insults of a very pissed Yuri Plisetsky, but much to everyone’s surprise the almost seventeen figure skater just stood up and did as he was told.

\- Oh, Yuuri, look at him. This is unbelievable! - Viktor cooed. - Is that possible that he’s finally growing up?

Viktor was beaming as a proud older brother, and Yuuri smiled back at his husband while mirroring his joy.

But indeed, He had a point.

Ever since his comeback, Yurio didn’t yell at people as he used to. He didn’t call Mila ‘hag’, Viktor ‘old fart’, Georgi ‘batshit crazy’, Yakov ‘geezer’ or ‘neg’, and most of all he did not call him ‘piggie’, ‘pork’ or ‘katsudon’. Not even once.

\- I don’t know how you guys are paying attention on Yura’s behavior while there’s much more urgent problems out there! - This time, Georgi didn’t let himself be interrupted. - Haven’t you seen the news lately? There’s mayhem upon us because a snitch out there is ratting everyone to the yellow press, a SNITCH!!!

Georgi inadvertently let his voice ring louder than necessary and the word echoed.

Yurio tripped on a step sequence. A rather basic one.

And didn’t say a word.

\- Excuse me - Yuuri said, darting to the center of the rink.

He picked up speed for a quadruple toe-loop and a double loop combination,landing them perfectly, then prepared for a quadruple flip that he landed feets away from where Yurio was.

\- Wonderful, Yuuri! - Viktor chanted, and all eyes were on Yurio now; waiting for the snarky comment that surely would come at any second now.

Nothing.

Sure, Yurio’s glare at him could strip paint from the walls. No denying it. But besides that? Not a peep from the Russian Punk.

OOO

 

“You fucking need” - Yuri mumbled to himself while angrily tugging the laces of his skates to take them off, the harsh angry moves adding up to make it more difficult. - “to chill. the fuck. out”.

Once he managed to get his feet rid of them he tucked them on his locker, slamming the door shut with a loud bang. His ankle was throbbing, but above all else his head was throbbing. Have been throbbing for days.

The Stinkerbell shit was not dwindling down. Shit was fucking escalating.

The yellow press was relentlessly chasing JJ down. Even his parents -  whom used to be the former golden sweetheart skating couple of Canada - were engulfed on the media hoopla. But on top of everything, rumours - flying back and forth - had that Isabella Yang broke up with JJ. A ‘discreet’ split, but not too discreet - just enough to make it like she was trying to hide it when in fact she was not.

That bitch. Like it was fucking news to her that JJ was on a big-ass closet. She knew it all along, everybody knew that she knew. Now that JJ was on the toilet, she was playing the ‘poor-innocent-cheated-girl’ card.

Could Stinkerbell make a glorious comeback, he’d leave just one more tweet to posterity: “Isabella Yang, treacherous gold-digger, had always known her sweetheart boyfriend likes cocks a bit too much.”

But he couldn’t. Because of-fucking-course deleted the account and all the evidences of any Stinkerbell activity out of his computer. And no one would be able to trace it back to him, because he wasn’t some n00b that didn’t know what to do on the internet. The account’s mail was a temporary fake, his connection redirected to God-knows-where-the-fuck because yeah, he would not download porn on Lilia’s network without hiding his ass. Not that he believed she’d ever be able to be this tech-savvy, but still.

And he would not come clean and admit he was Stinkerbell. He could not. It would ruin his career, and the Heavens above knew how much he skated his ass off to have it.

Yeah, JJ wasn’t his favourite person in the world, for fucking sure he wasn’t happy or satisfied to see that shitstorm coming upon the guy, least of all by his hand. He never planned this to happen. Of course that, could he know that such a clusterfuck would take place out of some drunk tweets of his, he would never do it. However, it wasn’t his fault that some JJ creepy stalker happened to show up on Le Stud to check if he was there chasing tail. And it wasn’t his fault also if the fucker actually was there.

Like, yeah, he also gave out Christophe’s Grindr, but after the initial shock what was the fucking big deal? Christophe himself didn’t give a shit to the yellow press because hey, if people haven’t realized by now the dude did boys and girls, they obviously haven’t been paying attention? And same goes to Viktor and Yuuri, and…

Shit, he really needed to calm down and quit thinking about it.

Truth was - plain and clear - he couldn’t even skate properly because couldn’t get this shit out of his mind. And sure as fuck he simply could NOT trip on the fucking ice when someone shouted out ‘snitch’ close to him.

Snitch. It was not the first time he eavesdropped on it. The word rang ugly on his ears, but it was true. How should he be called if they knew what he did? Sweetie? Darling?

Snitchasaurus Rex of Figure Skating?

His hands were tingling, he needed to stop thinking about it. Like, really needed to.

A click on the door caught his attention, and he realized he was not alone.

\- Hey there, Yurio. Care to have a chat?

Atop of everything, there was Katsudon, the fucking show-off of the day, speaking english while he totally could speak russian - even broken and heavy accented as it was.

\- I told you already - He intended to sound angry, but it didn’t come out quite. - I don’t go by this stupid name.

\- Oh - Yuuri tilted his head, then locked the door.

Yuuri Katsuki was a type he knew well. A soft, sweet little mama’s boy who’d whimper and cry over and over before getting at anyone. The only reason he’s around for quite some time now is that, for one, he’s Viktor’s sweetie.

And the fella could skate like a motherfucker, he had to give him that.

But not in a million years Yuuri pork-cutlet-bowl Katsuki would lock both of them on a locker room with that look in his eyes.

\- How am I supposed to call you, then? Yuri? Yura? Yurochka? - He sat down on his side, his voice soft and even. - ...Stinkerbell?

It took all his resolve to keep the color on his face.

\- I don’t know what you’re talking about! - Well, he didn’t stutter, but he knew he didn’t sound as appalled as he should. - Haven’t you seen that-

\- No Twitter for Katsudon. - Yuuri sneered, Yuuri Katsuki of all fucking people sneered at him. - Who else on the business likes that much to call me a pig? So, yes, Yuri Plisetsky, you will cut this crap right now!

\- Listen up here, before you keep saying some shit you cannot proof! I am- The fuck?...

He stopped his line on hold because his phone came back to “buzzing like hell” mode. That wouldn’t be a big deal, but Yuuri’s was following the frenzy in tandem.

Yuuri picked up his, his eyes widening behind his glasses.

\- Yurio - He was swallowing hard. - What the hell did you do with the Stinkerbell account?

\- What?

\- The account was down before. You deleted it. - Yuuri kept going. - Didn’t you?

\- The fuck are you talking about, pig? - Frantically, Yurio snatched Yuuri’s phone out of his hands.

On a brand-new @Stinkerbell’s account with almost two hundred thousand followers on, like, the half an hour it was up, there were two tweets.

The first one said “I’m back #StinkerbellGate #FigureSkatingDirtySecrets #JJ_Style_Exposed #GaysOnIce”.

The second one, from fifteen minutes ago, had a picture of him straddling Otabek’s motorcycle’s pillion at Barcelona.

“#TBT #GaysOnIce Remember when the Kazakh hero @otabekaltin kidnapped the Russian Fairy @yuriplisetsky to meet his Magic Wand? Bc I do!”.

It had more than ten thousand retweets already.

Yuri’s sight began to darken.

OOO


	5. #OPSnitchFairy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @Stinkerbell is back - and things get a bit more complicated.

* * *

**#OPSnitchFairy**

* * *

 

 

His phone kept buzzing from the messages of their groupchat. Everyone should be frantic by now. He imagined they were trying to reach him, see if he’s ok after the last N-bomb on their heads.

He didn’t check any of it out, though.

He was very busy hyperventilating on a full-blown fucking panic attack.

What, wouldn’t you panic if you woke up to find out that your wasted self grabbed a giant pile of shit and threw it all over the fan and there’s no way to undo it? And, now that you got rid of the evidences, someone claimed your old trolling nickname to spew shit over you and your cru- _your best friend_ ’s name?

Well, Yuri Plisetsky, almost seventeen GPF gold medalist figure skater that also who used to be the most wanted troll on the World Wide Web while owning the twitter account @Stinkerbell, totally would.

\- I… didn’t do it… - He was trying to say, panting and huffing while his breath kept trapped inside his chest and he felt like drowning on thin air. - I… didn’t…

\- Calm down - Yuuri Katsuki, top-notch figure skater and pig-extraordinaire, was the one lending him a hand after busting his ass. - If you keep breathing this fast you will pass out!

\- Shut… the ffffuck… - His snarl came out as a pitiful whine and he was sure he was about to faint anytime soon.

\- Here, here - Yuuri handed him a paper bag. - Breathe slowly inside of this. Pay attention on the in and out and nothing else.

The fuck was that the paper bag reeked as rancid butter from days-old pirozhkis.

\- Breathe, Yurio, breathe! - Yuuri held him by the shoulders while he was contorting by the effort of retching on an empty stomach.

\- Are you… tr… t’kill me…? - He managed to let the words out. - This fuck… you gave me… stinks!

\- Oh, I'm sorry. - Yuuri rolled his eyes. - Let me pick you another one from the bunch we have readily available in here.

Of course he wanted to tell the fucking pig to mind his place on the alimentary chain, but right now the Ice Tiger of Russia was breathing inside a reeking paper bag.

Not exactly intimidating.

But he couldn’t deny the bag thing was working.

\- I… didn’t do it. - He panted, that was the important message he had to put out.

\- Of course you didn’t. You were skating by the time these tweets came up. - Yuuri said back. - You deleted the former account, someone claimed your username and is pretending to be you. I mean, Stinkerbell.

\- Take this scowl out of your stupid piggy-mug - Yuri snarled at him. - You think I wanted this happening to Otabek?

\- So you did want this to happen to JJ. To Chris. Viktor and I. Phichit. - Yuuri shot back. - But we’re not Otabek, are we?

\- I was drunk! - He almost yelled. - I downed a bottle of Fanta mixed with Lilia’s vodka and I fucked up! Is that what you want to hear?

\- Of course not! Geez, you cannot drink, you're underage! What were you thinking?

\- Oi, _mama_ , you realize you are the last person on earth who can lecture people about shit they do when they get wasted, don’t you?

\- So, from Stupid Drunk Yuri to Stupid Drunk Yuri, this is an advice you should follow.

\- Anyway - He puffed inside the bag. - Are you going to rat me to everyone or what?

\- Or what, of course. - Yuuri crossed his arms. - You might not be my favorite person right now, but pointing out that you are Stinkerbell wouldn’t do any good now. Mainly because you aren’t anymore.

\- ...But they will believe this Stinkerfucker because of me. - Yuri lowered his eyes. - I can’t let that happen. I will come clean, so everyone will know this fake-ass is talking shit about Otabek and me.

\- No you won't! - Yuuri grabbed his shoulders again. - Are you insane? It will blow your career!

\- Not doing it will blow Otabek’s career! - Yuri shouted back, the very thought of it making his chest sting and his eyes feel funny.. - And he… There’s nothing between us. I mean, this isn’t fair. It’s… He is going to be punished for being my friend, and because I…

\- Hey. It’s not useful to anyone you come out to protect Otabek, because you won’t. If anything, It will make things worse because people will dig up his life. - Yuuri kept his hand on his shoulder. - And, eventually, they’ll find out about him…

\- Get off me. - Yuri’s voice croaked. - Not that it matters, but they won't find shit. Otabek’s straight. He’s seeing Mila, you gotta know that.

\- Oh no, kitty, no. Mila may be doing her best and he’s a bit lost and confused, but… No.

\- Said the piggy that was a virgin inside the closet until Viktor pulled you out and halted your quest for Narnia.

\- Well, then I must know a thing or two about closets, huh?

\- Whatever. - His eyes kept stinging, so he hid his face on the paper bag under the guise of puffing on it. - So, what do I do?  

\- How good are you at IT?

\- What do you mean?

\- Stinkerbell is no longer you. - Yuuri pointed out. - It means that we can track whoever the troll is now.

\- It’s not that easy, you know. - Yuri retorted. - Like, you can’t just track down someone’s IP by a tweet if you don’t have access to Twitter’s servers…

\- Oh, yeah? - Yuuri half-smiled. - Then I know a guy.

OOO

 

\- Shit, piggy, can’t your friend, y’know, run? - Yurio kept an eye on his phone while nervously shaking his right leg. - The #GaysOnIce is on trending topics already!

\- Let your impersonator enjoy his fifteen minutes of fame. - Yuuri was staring at his phone, sitting on the table where his notebook was. - The more he tweets, the more my friend back in Detroit will have clues on him.

He couldn’t help the feel of satisfaction on seeing Yurio behaving like he had ants on his pants, though. For he stood from the sofa, sit on a chair at the table, glanced at his notebook, then at his phone, stood up again, walked around Viktor’s living, went to the kitchen, had a glass of water, came back to the table and now had his eyes locked on his notebook again.

\- Whoever it is, you should answer that. - He said idly, because Yurio’s phone was frantic inside his pocket.

\- No, I bet it’s the Hag wanting to check on me between one make-out with Beka and another…

\- Boy - Yuuri muttered under his breath. - And aren’t you sore about that, huh…

\- What did you say, stupid pig?

\- I said you really should check who’s calling you. It may not be Mila, you know.

Begrudgingly, Yurio reached his phone - and it was his grandfather.

\- _Dedushka_? - He went silent for a moment, then his breathing grew fast and shallow. - «W-w-what do you mean there’s r-reporters at your door?!»

Oh damn.

\- Hey, hey, hey - He tried to guide an almost frantic Yurio to the sofa.

\- Get o-off me, pig!... - Yurio tried to push him away, but it was hard panting as he was. - _D-dedushka-_

\- Here, it’s brand new. - He shoved him a paper bag. -  I talk to your grandpa, don’t worry.

OOO

 

Many, many things could be said on Viktor Nikiforov since he made his comeback to St. Petersburg. Daring, bold, rapturous, stubborn, overhead, irresponsible… Blinded by a dream that no man could carry on his own. Of course not, he’d argue, because it isn’t a dream to be carried by a single man - it was a pair dance like no other.

He was ensnared by the tendrils of his sexy, exquisite Katsudon - and he knew how outrageously magnificent he was even when everyone insisted he was downright insane on seeing this on his Yuuri.

And oh, did he prove them wrong.

It was, to date, his best victory. One he savoured on his daily life now, and intended to keep doing so for the rest of his days.

Yes, yes, of course the married life has its ups and downs, sure, but oh- it is bliss. Feeling his heart warm by the tingling of the key on his door, because he knew Yuuri would be there and he had plans tonight. Oh, he had. He was about to set loose his precious Eros, and he and Yuuri would set their sheets on fire.

All. Night. Long.

Because yeah, Yuuri had _that_ stamina.

He opened the door, preparing to say _‘Tadaima_!’ and announce his arrival, but…

_Huuuuf-crcrcrcrcrk. Huuuuf-ccrcrcrcrcrk. Huuuuf-crccccrk..._

What the hell?

\- Yuuri! - He dashed to the dining room, because he knew that sound and didn’t like it one bit. - Yuuri, are you all right?...

Oh.

Indeed, he was right. Yuri was having a panic attack. But not his Yuri, Yuuri. The other Yuri. Yurio.

Yuri Plisetsky, self-proclaimed Ice Tiger of Russia, right now was puffing inside a paper bag out of a panic. attack.

\- «...My name is Yuuri Katsuki, I am one of his rinkmates. Yes…»  - Yuuri was talking on Yurio’s phone. - «Yes, yes, Yurio- I mean, Yuri is fine. A bit nervous, you see, and- No, Mr. Plisetsky, you don’t need to come down here, he will be fine…»

\- Is it Yurio’s grandfather? - Yuuri answered with a ‘hold on’ wave of his hand. - Why are you talking to…

\- «Yes, I know, It’s very… I understand you’re mad, but it’s not wise to go there and tell them to go away and…» - Now Viktor himself could hear Mr. Plisetsky enraged shouts from the phone. - «Yes, I understand you are mad because your grandson is a child and these insinuations are filthy, but…»

\- I will talk to him!... - Yurio wheezed, his mouth muffled by the paper bag. - Yuuri, gimme the-

All right. It’s past the due time he should intervene.

\- Yuuri, love - Viktor tried to reach Yurio’s phone. - Give it to me, I will talk to-

\- You STAY AWAY FROM MY PHONE! - Yurio literally jumped at him. - Give me my fucking phone you pig-

\- Shhhhhhhh! Both of you! - Yuuri covered the speaker with his hand. - The man’s nervous enough as he is, talking to any of you will only make it worse!

\- That’s why… I… -haaah- need to talk to him!...

\- Ah… - Yuuri went back to the phone. - «Wait, wait, I… When you speak that fast, I can’t understand you, I… Yes, I am not russian, that’s why you’re having a hard time understanding what I say and… What? You are going to do what to the reporters?...»

Yuuri covered the speaker again.

\- Viktor- He shushed. - What does it mean here in Russia when one says that ‘will throw a chair’ at someone through the window?

\- Uh… - Viktor hesitated. - ...That he will… _literally_ throw a chair at someone through the window.

\- THAT’S IT GIMME MY PHONE I AM GONNA-

\- «WAIT! Wait… Mr. Plisetsky? Whew, thanks God you’re still here… No! Don’t do it! Don’t. You ignore them, yes? I know. Believe me, I know. But Yuri is here, I promise you he’s safe and those vultures are not going to find him. Yes, yes, I promise you he will be fine. I know. I know.» - Then Yuuri glared at Yurio. - «Yes, I will make him answer his phone. You have my word he will. Rest assured. We will stay in touch. _Dasvidanyia_.»

Yuuri (finally) hung up Yurio’s phone, sighing heavily.

\- Well… Now that the crisis has been… successfully averted and no chair is going to be hurt by a paparazzi’s head, could someone _please_ explain what’s going on…?

\- Shut up -coff!...- you -huuuf!..- old fart. They are NOT paparazzis. They’re the yellow press.

\- I see no difference? - Viktor shrugged at Yurio’s attempt to sound menacing even though panting like that. - But why would the yellow press be at your grandfather’s door?

\- Nothing of your concern, dumbfuck. Stay out of it.

Yuuri took a deep breath, putting Yurio’s phone on the table while muttering something under his breath in saga-ben dialect he would not understand.

\- Yurio, would you, y’know, watch your mouth and keep your sass in your pocket(1)? We don't need it right now.

\- What did you just say, you pig?

\- I said it would be nice if you take your sass and shove it in your pocket while I am trying to save your sorry butt! - Yuuri sneered and Viktor winced a little, thinking the boy would dart at Yuuri and things would get physical so he would really need to intervene.

However - by some miracle, maybe - Yurio only muttered under his breath something like ‘shut up you pig’.

\- That’s it. I am officially clueless here. - Viktor clapped his hands in a theatrical demeanor. - Are you seriously let me in the dark like this, my love?

\- Vitya - Yuuri reached his hand, pecking his lips afterwards. - Sorry for ignoring you earlier, but you understand…

\- Cut it out, you two. - Yurio scowled. - I am right here, could you please keep your hands off each other for, like, two seconds?

\- As you wish… - Viktor shrugged. - So, Yuuri, how exactly are you supposed to save Yurio’s rear? I don’t get that.

\- Ah. - Yuuri blinked and Yurio seemed oddly uncomfortable. - The twitter troll is back, tweeting stuff about Yurio this time. And since he’s back, I contacted a friend of mine back in Detroit who works on Twitter.

\- Huh? But the account was down. - He picked up his phone to tap his twitter. - Oh, that’s what all this fuzz is about? Yurio and Otabek in Barcelona? It’s so 2015!

\- Yes, that’s why it’s tagged as #tbt.

\- Oh. But still. I can hardly see the appeal on it. I thought it was something more… bombastic?

\- There’s NOTHING between me and Otabek! - Yurio barked. - And this fucker has NO RIGHT on dragging Otabek’s name into the mud making this kind of assumptions!

\- What do you mean by “assumptions”? Come on, Yurio. Granted, I know you are trying to keep it lowkey, but we’re family. You don’t keep secrets from family.

\- Shut up! - Yurio’s face was beet red. - You are NOT my family and I AM NOT KEEPING SECRETS!!!

\- Viktor, let him be, okay? - Yuuri rolled his eyes. - He’s still a child, too young for this kind of stuff.

\- Yes, still a ch- WHAT? I am fucking seventeen!

\- _Almost_ seventeen. That’s what I said, a child.

\- Oi, Porky, of course it’s ‘early’ for your standards, since you waited until twenty-three to pop your cherry thanks to geriatric sex-addict here, who busted your closet to chase your tail. But for the rest of mankind seventeen is a pretty acceptable age to do a sort of mature things, you know?

\- I agree. - Viktor nodded. - When I was seventeen, I already had my first heartbreak. I dated a girl that-

\- Baby, too much information. - Yuuri frowned. - I don’t want to hear about your past lovers, you see?

\- But it is a sad story! I dated her and she dumped me!

\- Wow, fuck, somebody dumped Viktor Nikiforov, how on Earth that could happen? - Yuuri smirked. - Let me guess: She realized how flaming gay you are and told you to go mind your business and leave her alone?

Viktor felt the urge to answer back, but… Yeah. That’s pretty much what happened.

But he needed to keep Yurio in check, so…

\- Oh, wait, so you are saying that it did happen, right? - Viktor pointed his finger. - Between you and Otabek…

\- OF COURSE NOT, you asswipe!

\- Yurio, haven’t I told you to watch your mouth?

\- So you both should leave me alone and accept the fact that I and Otabek have nothing between us!

\- Much for you dismay, then. - Viktor frowned, walking towards the table while Yurio and Yuuri kept arguing at each other.

Which is odd, sure, but no more odd than feline panic attacks and reporters freaking out at old news.

Yurio’s phone was buzzing and buzzing, it is Mila.

\- Hello? - Viktor picked it up. - Hi, Mila, it’s Viktor.

\- _What? Viktor?_ \- She seemed confused. - _Is Yura with you, then?_

\- Wha- HAVEN’T I TOLD YOU TO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY PHONE?

\- Yes, he’s here. - Viktor dodged Yurio’s attempt to jump at him. - A bit nervous, you see…

\- _I only can imagine. Otabek’s just as weird. I tried to reach him and he’s not picking me up either. Anyway..._ \- Mila sighed. - _Want me to drop by?_

\- No, I don’t think it will be necessary… Yuuri’s also here, so we can manage the kitten’s wrath… Even though I really don’t get the fuzz about it.

\- _What do you mean ‘you don’t get the fuzz about it’? Stinkerbell hinted Otabek and Yurio were together in Barcelona! You know what it means, right?_

\- I certainly do, and I find it not surprising at all. - Viktor smiled, Yurio still trying to jump at him and grab his phone. - Actually, that’s why I think both of them are so worked up about it. I always thought these two have some serious feels towards each other…

Yurio froze in place, eyeball almost popping out of their sockets. Yuuri also was looking startled, and Mila was oddly silent...

\- ... _What?_

OOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) - YES this is a direct citation of one memorable quote from Octopimp at 50% OFF. Only God can judge!


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